FADE IN:
INT. HOUSE -- LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT
A party is winding down. Only a FEW GUESTS remain. They all
are gathered around the piano. A YOUNG PRIEST, FATHER
HARRIS, plays an old standard. Everyone sings along. A WOMAN
in the group, mid-40's, conservative, really getting into
the song, starts giving a soulful rendition, dropping to her
knees ala James Brown. The song ends. Everyone cheers.
Father Harris starts another.
HARRIS
Who knows this one?...
(singing)
"WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!"
They all join in.
A YOUNG GIRL, MEGAN, enters the room. She watches the group.
The group notices Megan and slowly stops singing.
CLOSE ON:
Megan. Her eyes seem vacant, almost like she is sleep
walking. She mutters something.
MEGAN
You're going to die.
The group looks confused.
The young girl pees on the floor.
CLOSE ON:
A WOMAN in the group, mid-40's. She is the girl's MOTHER.
The mother apologizes to her guests.
MOTHER
I'm sorry. She's been really sick.
CLOSE ON:
Megan. THWACK!! She is smacked on the head by a rolled
newspaper.
REVEAL:
Mom holding the newspaper. She shoves Megan's head into the
pee and rubs her nose in it as she continues to whack her
with the newspaper.
MOTHER (CONT'D)
No! Bad girl! Bad girl!
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. HELL HOUSE -- NIGHT
The street is covered in thick fog. The only light is by a
street lamp.
A taxi pulls into the frame. It reads "YELLOW CAB."
A TALL, DARK FIGURE gets out of the taxi.
CAB DRIVER (V.O.) (V.O.)
Hey you, pay your fare.
The figure takes off, running into the fog.
CAB DRIVER (CONT'D)
God damn priests always pull this
shit.
Cab drives off.
CUT TO:
INT. FOYER -- CONTINUOUS
A doorbell RINGS. It plays the THEME to "THE EXORCIST."
CLOSE ON:
The mother answers the door.
The dark figure lifts his head up, revealing that it's
Father McFeely.
FATHER MCFEELY
Uh... I'm Father McFeely
MOTHER
Father, come in, please.
Father McFeely enters. The mother closes the door behind
him.
MOTHER (CONT'D)
I'm so glad you're here.
FATHER MCFEELY
I came as fast as I could, but at
my age the little soldier needs a
lot more thumpin before it starts
pumpin. If I tickle my ass before...
MOTHER
It's okay. I understand.
FATHER MCFEELY
How is she?
MOTHER
(sadly)
She's gotten worse, Father. She
won't eat, she won't talk. The child
won't even let me touch her.
FATHER MCFEELY
(reflecting)
Yes... Sometimes you have to give
them candy.
The mother gives Father McFeely an odd look.
They are interrupted by Father Harris. He extends his hand
to McFeely.
HARRIS
Father.
FATHER MCFEELY
Not unless you have a paternity
test to prove it.
Harris looks confused.
HARRIS
No, I was sent by the church to
assist you. My name is Father Harris.
They shake hands.
HARRIS (CONT'D)
Would you like to see the girl?
FATHER MCFEELY
Soon. First, I must bless this
house.
McFeely walks to a room and opens the door.
INT. ROOM -- CONTINUOUS
Small bare walls. A window in the center wall.
McFeely closes the door. He sits and opens a bible and
begins to read.
CLOSE ON:
The window. Flies begin to appear.
CLOSE ON:
McFeely. He wipes sweat from his brow.
BACK TO THE WINDOW:
More flies. Their BUZZING is loud.
McFeely, now sweating, profusely. He begins to cough.
The window is now covered with flies. The BUZZING is
deafening.
McFeely, coughing and gagging.
FATHER MCFEELY
Lord, please help me to release
this demon.
PULL BACK TO REVEAL:
He's on the toilet. He lets out a loud fart followed by
plopping noises.
FATHER MCFEELY (CONT'D)
Thank you, Father.
A DEMONIC VOICE is heard.
DEMONIC VOICE (O.S.) (O.S.)
Get out!!! You fuckin' pig!!!
The room door swings open.
McFeely tries to flush the toilet. It bubbles over with
black goo ala "THE AMITYVILLE HORROR." He hustles out of the
bathroom.
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE BATHROOM -- CONTINUOUS
McFeely staggers out. Father Harris rushes over.
HARRIS
Father, are you okay?
FATHER MCFEELY
Yeah, but you might wanna light a
match before you go in there.
(then)
Did you bring my bag?
HARRIS
Yes.
FATHER MCFEELY
Then let us prepare.
Both priests walk up the stairs.
CUT TO:
INT. MEGAN'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT
McFeely and Harris enter.
FATHER MCFEELY
Remember, don't ask her too many
questions.
HARRIS
Because she will lie?
FATHER MCFEELY
No, because her breath smells like
a horse's ass.
Megan lays tied to the bed post of her bed. Her face is cut
up and twisted, eyes an eerie red. She's hooked up to an
I.V. with a small tube running out of her nose. It's shaped
like a CRAZY STRAW with red fluid going through it. The
straw leads to a cup. "SLURPIE!" Megan is wheezing, heavily.
She wears a tee-shirt that reads, "I went to Hell and all I
got was this stupid t-shirt."
They go to opposite sides of the room. Megan stares
straight ahead.
Father McFeely sees that next to Megan's bed are some
get-well cards, flowers, balloons, and a teddy bear. He
picks up one get-well card: It features a cheesy, happy
cartoon dog saying: "Heard You Were Possessed By The
Devil"... He flips the card open and reads the punch line:
"He Picked One Hell Of A Nice Girl!"
McFeely, shivering, his breath visible, takes the metal
cross from his pocket and kisses it. But it's so cold in the
room that his lips instantly stick to the metal.
He struggles to pull his lips off the cross and finally
manages to painfully tear it off his face.
McFeely makes the sign of the cross to Megan.
MEGAN
Shove it up your ass. You worthless
piece of shit!
FATHER MCFEELY
Silence!!
FATHER MCFEELY TOSSES A MINT IN HER MOUTH.
FATHER MCFEELY (CONT'D)
Look, my child. We've come to help
you.
Harris looks at Megan. He sits down on a chair besides the
window.
MEGAN/DEMON
Your mother's in here with us,
Harris. Would you like to leave a
message? I'll see that she gets it.
HARRIS
If that's true, then you must know
my mother's name. What is it?
Megan keeps a sharp stare on Harris. Harris' smile turns to
an angry stare. He rises and moves to her bedside.
HARRIS (CONT'D)
What is it?
Megan leans forward. BLANCHHHH!!! She vomits a disgusting
green bile in Harris' face. Harris wipes it off, coughing.
HARRIS (CONT'D)
That's right. Blanche was my
mother's name. You are the devil.
Harris tosses holy water on Megan. She falls back, writhing.
FATHER MCFEELY
It burns! It burns!
CLOSE ON:
McFeely, holding his crotch.
FATHER MCFEELY (CONT'D)
Damn Tijuana hooker.
Harris and McFeely begin to pray.
MCFEELY/HARRIS
Our Father who art in Heaven...
MEGAN
Your mother sucks cock in Hell,
Harris.
Harris tries to ignore her.
FATHER MCFEELY
Oh shit, you gonna take that?
HARRIS
What?
FATHER MCFEELY
What she said about your mother?
Harris fires back at Megan.
HARRIS
Oh, yeah, well your mama got one
leg and does jumping jacks like this.
He puts his feet together and jumps them from side to side
as he claps his hands over his head.
MEGAN
So, your mama's so fat when she
walks by my bed, it does this.
Her bed bounces and bucks off the floor.
HARRIS
What about your mama? Her butt is
so big, she wipes her ass like this.
He makes an exaggerated movement of putting his hand behind
his head then brings it up high and back down over his face.
The exchange continues with the possessed girl getting the
best of Harris.
HARRIS (CONT'D)
Enough! Begone from this child of
God. I command you by the power of
the living and the dead...
Megan groaning, flicking her tongue wildly at McFeely.
HARRIS (CONT'D)
... to leave the young servant so
that she may return to her...
McFeely responds back with the same gesture, then simulates
her giving head, then starts wildly thrusting his pelvis,
simulating sex. Megan falls back on her pillow and moans.
Harris shoots McFeely a hard look.
McFeely stops. Harris continues.
HARRIS (CONT'D)
In the name of the Father, the Son,
and the Holy Spirit, I cast you out.
McFeely, coughing, hardly able to catch his breath.
Megan on the bed, laughing. Smoke billowing out of her
mouth.
Harris rushes to McFeely.
HARRIS (CONT'D)
Father, are you alright?
McFeely nods yes, revealing he's smoking a joint.
FATHER MCFEELY
This is some good shit.
He offers a hit to Harris.
HARRIS
No thanks.
FATHER MCFEELY
My holy water.
Harris gives him the bottle.
McFeely takes a swig.
FATHER MCFEELY (CONT'D)
Ahhh, that's better.
McFeely splashes some on Harris, playfully.
He clears his throat and starts again, taking turns
splashing the booze on her and taking sips from it.
FATHER MCFEELY (CONT'D)
The power of Christ compels you!
He splashes her again, then takes a sip.
She roars. Lights flicker. The scary, pale "DEATH HEAD"
flashes over her again. But this time, it's picking its
nose. The "DEATH HEAD" realizes it's seen and quickly pulls
its finger from its nose, trying to look all scary again.
FATHER MCFEELY (CONT'D)
The power of Christ compels you!
He splashes more booze on her and takes a sip. By this
time, Father McFeely is getting drunk.
FATHER MCFEELY (CONT'D)
(slurring)
The power of Chrishht compelshh
yooo.
He's stumbling around, splashing the walls.
FATHER MCFEELY (CONT'D)
(slurring)
Power of compelshh Chrishhts you,
or something...
Suddenly, the girl's straps break and she starts floating
up.
Harris watches in awe. A MAGICIAN'S ASSISTANT passes a hoop
over her.
FATHER MCFEELY (CONT'D)
David Blaine, kiss my ass.
The girl continues to float up into spinning blades out of
the ceiling fan. WHACK! The blades slam into her head,
sending her flying back down on to the bed.
HARRIS
Father, I think you should rest.
FATHER MCFEELY
No, I'm fine.
He staggers over to the bed, kneels and starts to pray.
Harris exits the room to retrieve his medical bag. He
returns to find McFeely lying unconscious on the bed. Megan,
sitting, quiet looks at McFeely.
Harris rushes over to McFeely.
HARRIS
Father!
Harris grabs McFeely and throws him down to the ground.
McFeely's eyes open.
FATHER MCFEELY
I must have dozed off.
Harris, caught up in the moment, is oblivious that McFeely
is okay. He starts pounding violently on his chest.
HARRIS
No!!!
Harris knee-drops McFeely. His efforts to revive McFeely
resemble a WWF grudge match. Harris diving off of furniture,
slamming down on McFeely. Finally, he checks his pulse. He
thinks McFeely is dead. Harris shouts out at Megan.
HARRIS (CONT'D)
Look what you've done!
Megan sits, quietly.
Harris dives on top of Megan and starts choking her.
HARRIS (CONT'D)
Take me! Take me!
NEW ANGLE:
McFeely sits up, still drunk and disoriented. He notices
Harris on the bed.
MCFEELY'S POV:
He sees Father Harris on his hands and knees. His robe is
hiked above his waist exposing his naked ass.
HARRIS (CONT'D)
Take me! God damn you, take me!
McFeely, now on his feet, smiles as he moves toward Harris.
CLOSE ON:
Harris' face.
It turns to shock and horror. He looks possessed as we hear
the sound of penetration.
HARRIS (CONT'D)
Nooooo!!!!!
Harris dives out the window.
McFeely watches as Harris tumbles down the long staircase.
Megan begins to giggle.
MEGAN
You failed, McFeely. Your weapons
are useless against me.
FATHER MCFEELY
You're mistaken my child. The Lord
has greater weapons than me.
McFeely picks up his bible.
FATHER MCFEELY (CONT'D)
Hear the word of the Lord and be
humbled!
McFeely lifts up a crucifix.
FATHER MCFEELY (CONT'D)
See the cross of the Lord and
tremble! If ye still not have faith,
then...
McFeely reaches into his jacket and pulls out a .44 magnum.
FATHER MCFEELY (CONT'D)
... suck on this!!!
Megan's eyes widen.
BLAM!!!
THE SCREEN GOES BLACK.
SMASH CUT TO:
TITLE CARD
"SCARY MOVIE II"
CUT TO:
EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS -- DAY -- ESTABLISHING SHOT
The campus is alive as STUDENTS make their way to class.
CLOSE ON:
A souped-up muscle car driving through the parking lot.
CUT TO:
INT. CAR -- CONTINUOUS
The driver, DWIGHT, a nerdy man between 25-30, glasses,
thinning hair line. He drives recklessly, shouting at the
people in his path as he honks his horn.
DWIGHT
Come on. Move it.
A GUY ON CRUTCHES walks in front of the car.
DWIGHT (CONT'D)
Come on, peg legs. I aint got all
day.
Dwight whizzes past, causing the man to fall.
Dwight notices a girl in a short skirt.
DWIGHT (CONT'D)
Hey, sweetie, ever heard of a gym?
I've seen pool sticks bigger than
those thighs.
Dwight continues. He finds a parking space, whizzing before
another car that has been waiting to take the space.
Dwight yells at the irate motorist.
DWIGHT (CONT'D)
Sorry, but the fastest feet win.
Dwight shuts off the engine, and opens the door before he
exits. We see a wheelchair unfold. Dwight hops in. He is
paralyzed from the waist down. His legs dangle, lifeless. On
his feet, a new pair of Air Jordan sneakers.
Dwight wheels around to his trunk. He pops it open and
removes his briefcase and a Razor scooter. He places his
feet on the scooter and rolls the wheelchair with his hands.
Off he goes.
CUT TO:
EXT. CAMPUS -- LATER
In the middle of the campus quad, there is a distinguished
statue of Thomas Jefferson.
PAN DOWN TO REVEAL:
A black woman slave and a bunch of nappy-headed black kids.
A plaque reads: "Once you go black, you never go back"...
Sitting on the base of the statue are CINDY and SHORTY.
CINDY
So, do you think you made it into
the class?
SHORTY
I don't know, but I sure hope so.
CINDY
You could use the grade, huh?
SHORTY
Nah, I need a place to stay. So how
do you like being in college?
CINDY
Okay, I guess. It's so
intimidating. You know being away
from home, not knowing anyone. I
feel like such a geek sometimes.
Everyone's so cool and I'm so not.
SHORTY
Aww, you aint that bad. You just
need a little flava. First thing we
gotta do is get you some new gear.
CINDY
Huh?
SHORTY
Gear. You know, clothing.
CINDY
Oh.
SHORTY
Let's start with some rhythm. Sway
back and forth like this.
Shorty demonstrates. Cindy begins to mimic, clumsily.
SHORTY (CONT'D)
Yeah, something like that.
(then)
Now, go left, right, left, right,
crossover kick...
Shorty demonstrates. Cindy follows.
CINDY
Left, right, left, right, crossover
kick...
SHORTY
Now you gotta learn the correct
slang.
Shorty begins to demonstrate.
CINDY
Yo! That jacket is tight.
SHORTY
Yeah, now go uhn, uhn, uhn!
CINDY
Uhn! Uhn! Uhn!
SHORTY
Yeah, you feel that? Now put it all
together.
Cindy now completely rhythmic and soulful, executes the
combination, just as a nicely dressed YOUNG FEMALE STUDENT
passes by.
CINDY
Left...
POW!!! Cindy connects with the student's jaw.
CINDY
POW!!! Another crunching blow.
CINDY (CONT'D)
Crossover kick...
Cindy smashes her foot to the face of the student. The
student falls to the ground.
CINDY (CONT'D)
Uhn! That jacket is tight. Now run
that shit, bitch.
The student nervously gives Cindy her nice leather jacket.
Cindy slaps Shorty high-five.
The student takes off running.
Cindy puts on the jacket and poses in a gangster lean.
CINDY (CONT'D)
Am I cool now?
SHORTY
Almost... Look, I gotta bounce.
I'll holla at you later.
Cindy gives Shorty a hug. They go their separate ways.
CUT TO:
INT. MEN'S DORM -- RAY'S ROOM -- LATER
RAY, and his roommate, TOMMY, are getting dressed. Their
friend, BUDDY, waits impatiently.
BUDDY
Hey, man, you two boners aren't
ready yet? We're gonna miss the bus,
Ray. Coach says if our GPA drops
below 2 we're off the squad.
RAY
Don't worry, we'll make it. Say,
what do you guys think, tucked in or
out?
REVEAL:
Ray, naked with his dick tucked between his legs, making it
look like he has a vagina.
BUDDY/TOMMY
Out!!!
RAY
No doubt. That's what I thought.
Ray and Tommy continue to get dresses. Buddy waits.
BUDDY
If you two hadn't been out partying
last night, you'd be ready by now.
TOMMY
It was awesome, dudes. We got
fucking wasted. I had like a whole
keg. Dude, I was so shitfaced. I
woke up naked in a tub of ice.
RAY
(laughing)
I woke up naked, too.
TOMMY
Hey, dude, you got a tattoo.
RAY
What does it say?
TOMMY
It says, "Ray."
RAY
(checks Tommy's back)
Sweet. Hey, you got a tattoo, too.
TOMMY
Get out?! What does it say?
RAY
"Fucked me."
TOMMY
Aww. Cool. Dude.
They read each other's tattoos ala "Dude, Where's My Car?"
TOMMY (CONT'D)
"Ray!"
RAY
"Fucked me."
TOMMY
"Ray!"
RAY
"Fucked me."
TOMMY/RAY
"Ray fucked me."
TOMMY
Hey!
RAY
What?
Buddy gives Tommy a wedgy.
BUDDY
Wedgy moment.
TOMMY
Totally got me, fuck.
He tries to fix his underwear.
BUDDY
Come on, dude. We're gonna be late.
Ray grabs his stuff. He and Buddy exit.
RAY
See you later, man.
CUT TO:
EXT. CAMPUS -- DAY
Cindy passes several activity booths. She notices a YOUNG
PRETTY GIRL on the phone, obviously upset. Her name is ALEX.
ALEX
(into phone)
That's it! I don't want to be
treated like this anymore. It's
over. Goodbye. Have a nice life.
She hangs up the phone. Cindy approached.
CINDY
Are you okay?
ALEX
Yeah, I'm fine. I just broke up
with my boyfriend, that's all.
CINDY
That's always tough. How long were
you together?
ALEX
Well, we never made it official, so
I guess we were technically never
really boyfriend and girlfriend, but
I was seeing him in school. I saw
him at the mall about six months ago
and I was too nervous to introduce
myself so I followed him to his car,
and jotted down the license plate
number. It was registered to his
mother, so I went to her house. She
was so nice. I mean, she seemed like
she would be nice 'cuz I never
really spoke to her. I just waited
til she went to work then I climbed
in through her window and borrowed
her phone book. I say borrowed
because I'm going to give it back
one day. But anyway, I called
everyone in it til I found her son.
He wasn't home when I called so I
left this message how much in love I
was with him. I was, and how I
wanted to have his children. Just
really opening up, and he never
called back. I'd call and call, and
anyway, six months and two
restraining orders later I just
decided I deserved better. What
about you? Do you have a boyfriend?
CINDY
No, I haven't dated in a while. My
last boyfriend's...
Alex interrupts, totally uninterested in Cindy's story.
ALEX
Hey, look there. My friend Brenda.
CLOSE ON:
BRENDA is on the financial aid line, standing before the
CASHIER.
CASHIER
Okay, here's your loan check. Your
grant check. Your disability check.
And oh, a block of government cheese.
BRENDA
Thanks.
She steps out of line. We see behind her a HOMELESS MAN,a
WELFARE MOTHER with KIDS, a CRACK ADDICT, etc.
Cindy and Alex approach.
ALEX
Hey, Brenda.
BRENDA
Do I know you?
ALEX
Well, actually, we've never met
officially, but I bumped into you at
the cafeteria and you were so sweet.
I said, "I'm sorry," and you said,
"Watch it, white bitch, or I'll put
my size eight in your ass." I
thought how cool. I wear a size
eight, too. Anyway, this is my best
friend, Cindy.
CINDY
We already know each other. Hey,
Brenda.
BRENDA
Hey, Cindy. Your friend needs help.
CINDY
Actually, I just met her. This is
Alex.
BRENDA
Oh my god. Madam Elsa, my psychic,
told me I would meet somebody whose
name starts with a letter of the
alphabet today.
CINDY
Really? That's amazing.
BRENDA
Hey girl, that jacket is slamming.
CINDY
Thanks.
BRENDA
You better be careful. I heard some
girl got her ass whooped and jacket
stolen earlier today.
(off Cindy's look)
Hey, what class do we have next?
CINDY
Psychology.
ALEX
Me, too. 101?
BRENDA
In room "302" at ten o'clock?
ALEX
That's it.
BRENDA
Oh, this is too much. I'm gonna
have to play these numbers. Remind
me to pick up a Lotto ticket.
The girls take a few steps before Brenda grabs Cindy by the
arm just as they're about to pass an iron post between them.
BRENDA (CONT'D)
Wait, don't split the pole. It's
bad luck.
Brenda walks around Cindy's side and they go on to class.
ALEX
You don't really believe that stuff.
Just then, TWO OTHER STUDENTS split the pole on either side
and are mowed down by a car.
BRENDA
Oh yes, girl. After my near-death
experience, I've become very
spiritual. I can feel my angels all
around me, Oh, look a penny...
Brenda picks up the penny. They walk past a fountain.
BRENDA (CONT'D)
That's good luck. Wait, let me make
a wish and throw it in the fountain.
(closing her eyes)
I wish for a lot of money.
She tosses the penny into the fountain.
BRENDA (CONT'D)
(opening her eyes)
Oh, look, it worked.
She reaches down in the fountain and grabs both hands full
of coins.
BRENDA (CONT'D)
God is good, y'all
EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS -- ESTABLISHING SHOT -- A SHORT TIME
LATER
CUT TO:
INT. SCIENCE BUILDING -- CONTINUOUS
A STUDENT walks up a flight of steps through a set of
swinging doors.
He sees Dwight coming towards the doors in his wheelchair.
STUDENT
There you go my man.
DWIGHT
Hey, pal, I can handle a door by
myself.
STUDENT
Fine.
The student let the doors go. They swing, smashing into
Dwight, sending him flying. ANOTHER YOUNG STUDENT rushes to
help.
STUDENT #2
Are you okay? Let me help you to
the handicapped ramp.
DWIGHT
I am not handicapped! I can use the
steps like anyone else.
Dwight wheels himself over to the stairs. He successfully
navigates one step then goes tumbling violently down the
rest.
DWIGHT (CONT'D)
That's one more than last week!
INT. SCIENCE BUILDING - PROFESSOR OLDMAN'S OFFICE - A SHORT
TIME LATER
Dwight and PROFESSOR OLDMAN, 50's, distinguished, are
present.
DWIGHT
I finished all the interviews.
PROFESSOR
Let me see the files.
DWIGHT
They're on top of the bookshelf.
I'll get them.
Dwight wheels himself over to a bookshelf. As he attempts
to retrieve the folder, the professor moves to assist him.
PROFESSOR
Let me help you.
DWIGHT
I don't need your help. I'm
perfectly capable.
Dwight climbs the bookshelf, reaches the top, and lifts up
the folder. Just then, the bookshelf topples over on top of
Dwight. His hand extends from the mess, holding the folder.
DWIGHT (CONT'D)
Here you go, Professor.
PROFESSOR
Are these all the subjects?
Dwight, disheveled, glasses bent, gets back in his
wheelchair and makes his way over to the Professor.
DWIGHT
Yes. The scored all over the
Kiersey Temperment Sorter just like
you asked for.
PROFESSOR
Any of them hot?
Dwight rolls his eyes.
DWIGHT
I also took the liberty of putting
those with near-death experiences on
top.
PROFESSOR
Good thinking, Dwight. Traumatized
co-eds are a sure thing.
DWIGHT
(dripping with
contempt)
As I am sure you are aware,
Professor, subjects who are close to
death are statistically more likely
to have the suggestibility required
for paranormal investigation, which
is, of course, why I've given them
special consideration.
PROFESSOR
Look, whatever you say, kid, but
the more they're hurtin', the more
they need a squirtin', if you know
what I mean.
(then, off Cindy's
picture)
Ooh, I like her.
DWIGHT
Cindy Campbell. Classic abandoned
personality disorder. She seems
guarded, but willing to do this.
PROFESSOR
Willing? I like that.
(then, off Ray's
picture)
And, this one?
DWIGHT
That's Ray Williams. I couldn't
quite figure him out, but he seemed
very eager and excited when we met.
PROFESSOR
What's this?
Professor holds up another photo of Ray. In this one, he's
got his shirt off and his thumbs hooked in his jeans'
pockets.
DWIGHT
Oh, that's the picture he sent me
after our interview.
The Professor continues looking at the pictures and files
of Shorty, Ray, Brenda, and Cindy.
PROFESSOR
Car accident, gun shot, multiple
stabbings, a hook through the
back... Where did you find these
kids?
DWIGHT
They are the survivors of the
Steveston County massacre.
PROFESSOR
Fantastic. These kids are exactly
the kind of catalyst needed to
awaken Hell House.
DWIGHT
How are we going to get them all up
there?
PROFESSOR
I'll make it part of the class.
We'll tell them they're
participating in a study on sleep
disorders.
DWIGHT
And what happens when all hell
breaks loose?
PROFESSOR
We record and document it. We're
gonna make history, Dwight. The
first documented, unrefuted evidence
of life after death. The book sales
alone will be worth millions. I'll
be rich, and you my friend, will
have one hell of a thesis paper.
Now, what time is orientation?
DWIGHT
In about fifteen minutes.
PROFESSOR
Remember, Dwight, not a word to
anyone.
CUT TO:
INT. SCIENCE BUILDING -- HALLWAY -- MOMENTS LATER
Buddy, Ray and a couple of other guys are horsing around.
Smiling, Buddy, flicks a guy's ear. Slaps ANOTHER'S hat.
They all take it good and naturally return the friendly
abuse.
BUDDY
Whoa! Who laid one?
RAY
Whoever smelt it, dealt it.
Buddy hits Ray in the chest.
BUDDY
Open chest.
Ray returns.
RAY
Loose nuts. You better hide them.
Ray stands grabbing the guy's crotch. Everyone stops
laughing.
RAY (CONT'D)
What? You guys don't know this game?
The girls walk past, interrupting the moment.
BUDDY
Dude, look out.
Ray turns. He and Cindy collide. Her books fall to the
ground. Ray, not recognizing her, bends down to help her
with her things. Their eyes meet. They are both shocked to
see each other.
CINDY
I'm sorry, I should have been
watching where I...
RAY
It's okay.
CINDY
Oh, my God, Ray! What are you doing
here?
RAY
It's the sequel.
CINDY
Oh, right.
RAY
Listen, no need for you to worry.
All that stuff that happened before
is behind us. Let's just try to move
on.
CINDY
I am. So just do me a favor and
stay away from me.
Cindy storms into class.
Brenda pushes through the guys. She sees Ray. Their eyes
lock.
RAY
Hello Brenda.
BRENDA
Hello Ray.
Though guarded, we can see they still have feelings for one
another.
Brenda hurries into the classroom.
CUT TO:
INT. PROFESSOR OLDMAN'S CLASSROOM -- CONTINUOUS
The Professor addresses the class: Cindy, Alex, Brenda,
Shorty, Dwight, Ray, Buddy, and THEO.
PROFESSOR
Welcome everyone. I'm Professor
Oldman. All of you have been
carefully selected to be in this
class. This course is very unique in
that each semester my students take
part in a bona fide study for which
they receive an automatic grade of
"A" upon completion. This semester's
study is insomnia. All of you have
some kind of sleep disorder that we
will attempt to resolve or at least
find the origin to.
THEO, a striking looking woman who is drop-dead gorgeous,
with a body to match, raises her hand.
THEO
(standing)
Excuse me, but I don't have a sleep
disorder.
PROFESSOR
It's okay. You have a "D-cup."
You're in the right place.
Theo sits.
PROFESSOR (CONT'D)
My assistant, Dwight, will be
passing out directions to everyone.
Dwight rolls over to the desk, picks up some papers, then
rolls over to a few steps.
CINDY
Would you like me to help you pass
them back?
DWIGHT
I don't need your help.
Dwight tips over in the wheelchair and falls hard against
the floor. Everyone is taken aback. Crawling, Dwight passes
out the papers. Everyone reaches down to collect one from
him.
PROFESSOR
You should arrive no later than 6PM
tonight, and plan to be there until
Monday. That's it for now. I'll see
you all this evening.
Class ends. Everyone exits. Buddy notices Cindy has left
her book. He grabs it and goes after her.
INT. SCIENCE BUILDING -- HALL -- CONTINUOUS
Buddy catches up to Cindy.
BUDDY
Hey, you left your book back there.
CINDY
Thanks. I'm Cindy.
Buddy hands her the book. The cover reads "Dummies Guide to
the Paranormal."
BUDDY
So, I see you're really into spooks.
CINDY
No. I never date outside my race.
BUDDY
I meant you're into ghosts.
CINDY
Oh, yeah. I'm just curious about
that kind of stuff.
BUDDY
So it looks like we're going to be
spending the weekend together.
CINDY
Yeah.
BUDDY
Maybe we can study together or
something.
CINDY
I'm sorry, Buddy. You seem really
nice, but I'm just getting over a
really bad relationship, and I'm not
ready to start dating yet.
Buddy looks disappointed.
CINDY (CONT'D)
But, hey, maybe we can be friends.
BUDDY
(excited)
Sure, that would be cool. Friends.
CINDY
(playfully)
Okay. See you later, friend.
She turns to walk away. Buddy notices the top of her
panties, grabs and yanks them up.
BUDDY
Wedgy!!!
Cindy hears the ripping sounds and feels the burn. She
turns to see Buddy running away.
BUDDY (CONT'D)
Smell you later! Ha! Ha!
Cindy smiles.
CUT TO:
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD -- DAY
A small car drives by.
CUT TO:
INT. CAR -- CONTINUOUS
Cindy, singing along with the radio. She sounds terrible.
The song stops.
V.O. RADIO
Hey, will you shut the fuck up and
let me sing?!
Cindy, embarrassed, stops singing. The song starts up
again. Cindy checks the address as she drives up.
CUT TO:
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD -- CONTINUOUS
Cindy's car makes it's way up a long driveway.
CUT TO:
EXT. HELL HOUSE -- MOMENTS LATER
Cindy walks up carrying luggage.
CLOSE ON:
Door. Cindy grabs the knocker.
REVEAL:
The knocker is a set of balls hanging from a bronzed male
figure on the door. She slams them hard against the door.
No answer. She bangs the knocker again. Still no answer.
She pushed against the door. It opens, slowly.
CUT TO:
INT. FOYER -- CONTINUOUS
Cindy enters, walking through the house. She makes herself
at home, nosing into things she shouldn't and speaking in
general to no one.
CINDY
Hello?
She walks over to an answering machine and hits "play."
ANSWERING MACHINE
No new messages.
CINDY
Anybody home?
She puts that down and moves a couple of pieces on a chess
board.
CINDY (CONT'D)
Checkmate. Hello?
She takes a bite off a half eaten sandwich and drinks the
last of a glass of milk.
CINDY (CONT'D)
Hello?
She deliberately knocks over a domino and sets off an
elaborate carefully planned layout.
CINDY (CONT'D)
Is anybody here?
She digs through the cushions of a chair and pockets some
change.
CINDY (CONT'D)
I was told there'd be somebody here.
She opens a couple of pieces of mail and reads it, then...
CINDY (CONT'D)
Hello? Your test results are in.
Cindy continues walking through a swinging door and finds
HANSON, a well-dressed man, middle-aged, with a short arm
and a little hand. He's in the middle of preparing food. He
holds a meat cleaver in his hand as he turns toward her.
Cindy is startled.
CINDY (CONT'D)
Oh my God! I'm here with the...
HANSON
Yes, Professor Oldman's group.
Forgive me. I didn't mean to
frighten you.
He puts down the cleaver, and moves his hand towards
Cindy's face.
HANSON (CONT'D)
My aren't you a lovely child.
Hanson strokes her face. Cindy fakes a strained smile.
HANSON (CONT'D)
(tapping her nose)
And what is your name?
Cindy, almost cross-eyed, watching his finger.
CINDY
I'm Cindy.
HANSON
(extending his hand)
I'm Hanson the caretaker.
Cindy reluctantly shakes his hand.
HANSON (CONT'D)
I'll show you to your room. Let me
help you with that.
He grabs the luggage.
HANSON (CONT'D)
Whoa, that's heavy. I better use my
strong hand.
He grabs the luggage with his little hand. The bag opens,
spilling all of Cindy's items over the floor.
HANSON.
I'm so sorry. I'll get them.
As Hanson retrieves the items with his little hand; a
toothbrush, underwear, and other personal effects, Cindy
looks on in horror.
CUT TO:
INT. BASEMENT -- LATER
A makeshift lab as been set-up with monitors and other high
tech equipment.
Dwight and the Professor discuss the project. Dwight is
wearing a brand new pair of roller blades.
DWIGHT
I have taken care of everything,
including medical supplies and blood
storage. We want to be safe.
PROFESSOR
Right. What about condoms?
DWIGHT
Professor!
PROFESSOR
Hey, you're the one who brought up
safety. I'm perfectly willing to go
in raw.
DWIGHT
Would you please focus?
PROFESSOR
Fine.
(then)
What's all this stuff?
DWIGHT
Well, this measures the amount of
thermal imbalance within a room down
to the tiniest molecular
disturbances.
The Professor is distracted by a bank of monitors.
PROFESSOR
Are those cameras all throughout
the house?
DWIGHT
Yes, I thought that it would be
best.
PROFESSOR
Even in the bathroom?
DWIGHT GESTURES TO A MONITOR
PROFESSOR (CONT'D)
So, if one of our little chickadees
is taking a shower which one of
these buttons do I press to get a
close-up?
DWIGHT
(annoyed)
That one.
PROFESSOR
After dinner, you and I will take
shifts throughout the night. I don't
want to chance miss anything.
HANSON
Excuse me, sir, but the students
have started to arrive. Dinner will
be ready shortly.
DWIGHT
Thanks, handyman.
HANSON
I'm the caretaker, not the handyman.
(off Dwight's
footwear)
Nice skates. Be careful. You don't
want to fall and break something.
Hanson exits before Dwight can respond.
PROFESSOR
I'm going to change for dinner.
I'll see you shortly.
DWIGHT
Sounds good. I'm just going to run
up to my room. Hop in the shower.
Jump into my jogging suit, and I'll
be right there.
The Professor exits.
CUT TO:
INT. DINING ROOM -- NIGHT
Cindy enters. Ray, Shorty, Professor, Dwight, Alex, Brenda
and Buddy are all already gathered.
CINDY
(excitedly)
Hi guys.
GROUP
(barely noticing
Cindy)
Hey. What's Up? Un huh.
Theo enters the room. Everyone stares.
THEO
Hey guys!
GROUP
(excited)
Hi Theo!
BUDDY APPROACHES CINDY
CINDY
(smiling)
Hi Buddy.
BUDDY
Open chest!!!
Buddy punches her in the chest. Cindy goes flying.
BUDDY (CONT'D)
Gotta be quicker than that, "A-cup!"
Cindy staggers to her feet.
THEO
We |
AJÁNLOM AZ OLDALT
